Snarfed by Derek 8/26/2002

Essence of Political Science

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FeudalismYou have two cows. Your lord takes some of the milk.
Pure SocialismYou have two cows. The government takes them and puts them in a barn with everyone else's cows. You have to take care of all the cows. The government gives you all the milk you need.
Bureaucratic SocialismYour cows are cared for by ex-chicken farmers. You have to take care of the chickens the government took from the chicken farmers. The government gives you as much milk and eggs the regulations say you should need.
FascismYou have two cows. The government takes both, hires you to take care of them, and sells you the milk.
Pure CommunismYou have two cows. Your neighbors help you take care of them, and you all share the milk.
Real World CommunismYou share two cows with your neighbors. You and your neighbors bicker about who has the most "ability" and who has the most "need". Meanwhile, no one works, no one gets any milk, and the cows drop dead of starvation.
Russian CommunismYou have two cows. You have to take care of them, but the government takes all the milk. You steal back as much milk as you can and sell it on the black market.
PerestroikaYou have two cows. You have to take care of them, but the Mafia takes all the milk. You steal back as much milk as you can and sell it on the "free" market.
Cambodian CommunismYou have two cows. The government takes both and shoots you.
MilitarianismYou have two cows. The government takes both and drafts you.
TotalitarianismYou have two cows. The government takes them and denies they ever existed. Milk is banned.
Pure DemocracyYou have two cows. Your neighbors decide who gets the milk.
Representative DemocracyYou have two cows. Your neighbors pick someone to tell you who gets the milk.
British DemocracyYou have two cows. You feed them sheeps' brains and they go mad. The government doesn't do anything.
BureaucracyYou have two cows. At first the government regulates what you can feed them and when you can milk them. Then it pays you not to milk them. Then it takes both, shoots one, milks the other and pours the milk down the drain. Then it requires you to fill out forms accounting for the missing cows.
Pure AnarchyYou have two cows. Either you sell the milk at a fair price or your neighbors try to take the cows and kill you.
Pure CapitalismYou have two cows. You sell one and buy a bull.
CapitalismYou don't have any cows. The bank will not lend you money to buy cows, because you don't have any cows to put up as collateral.
EnviromentalismYou have two cows. The government bans you from milking or killing them.
TheocracyYou have two cows. You get all the milk. You love God, He loves you.
MonarchyYou have two cows. You give some milk to the King/Queen.
Political CorrectnessYou are associated with (the concept of "ownership" is a symbol of the phallo centric, war mongering, intolerant past) two differently - aged (but no less valuable to society) bovines of non-specified gender.
SurrealismYou have two giraffes. The government requires you to take harmonica lessons.
TalibanismNobody has anything. The government shoots you in the soccer stadium.