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The City of Edmonton, The Environment Minister, McDonalds, Area 51, Dr. Seymore Antwell, The University of Alberta, Mayor Bill Smith, Ralph Klein's nose, The Nuclear Safety Commission, The Province of Alberta, Dead Ex-Prime Minister John A. MacDonald, The Webmaster, and the Author cannot guarantee the accuracy of the material on my pages. This includes information related in text and subjects shown in images and graphic misrepresentations. The items and information contained herein have been extracted from multiple sources. We do not guarantee the accuracy of any of these primary sources. We have gone to no ends to review the accuracy of our sources.

All misrepresentations of persons, places, or things living or dead are purely coincidental. Some graphics were scarfed from nonparticipating Web sites without their knowledge.

Fine Print:

Ingredients: Roasted Peanuts, Battery Acid, Axle Grease, Modified Corn Starch, TNT, Nitro Glycerine, Modified Vegetable Oil, Sulphuric Acid, Pepperoni, Sodium Chloride, Sugar, Spice, Everything Nice, Lama Eyes, Chocolate, Small Rodents, Gunpowder, Jet Fuel, Chalk, Corn Extract, Crud, Scum, Antifreeze, Hydrogenated Coconut Oil.

Warning: If you can read this, my fine print isn't so fine...

Finer Print:

Warning: Do not operate a motor nor non-motor vehicle when viewing this page. Do not view when pregnant. Do not mix with alcohol, chocolate, or broccoli or any other food containing oxymoronic acid. Do not exceed the recommended dosage. With higher doses, nervousness, dizziness, belching, dropsy, or sleeplessness may occur. Do not view these pages for more than 7 days. If symptoms do not improve or are accompanied by nausea, please get a life. Do not view if you have heart disease, high blood pressure, thyroid disease, malaria, typhoid fever, AIDS, melancholyness, diabetes, or difficult urinations due to enlarged prostrate gland unless directed by a real doctor (Ph.D.).

Caution: A persistent cough may be a sign of a serious condition. If symptoms persist for more than a week (or 7 days - whichever comes first), tend to recur, or is accompanied by fever, rash, or persitent headache, pulmonary disease, shortness of breath, difficulty in breathing, marked drowsiness, excessive phlegm (mucus or snot), or any combinations of the above, seek heavy street medication. May cause mark (and susan) drowsiness; alcohol, sedatives, and tranquilizers may increase the drowsiness effect. Prompt psychological counseling is critical for adults if you do not notice any signs of any of the above.

Standard Disclaimer

This product is meant for educational purposes only. Any resemblance to real persons living or dead is purely coincidental. All models are over 18 years of age. Void where prohibited, taxed or bottled. Some assembly required. May cause birth defects... retroactively. Fire when ready... who cares about eye whites. List each check separately by bank number. Batteries not included. Contents may settle during shipment. Incoming! Use only as directed. No other warranty expressed or implied. Do not use while operating a motor vehicle or heavy equipment. Postage will be paid by addressee. Subject to CAB approval. This is not an offer to sell securities. Apply only to affected area. May be too intense for some viewers. Do not stamp. Use other side for additional listings. For recreational use only. Do not disturb. If condition persists, consult your physician. No user-serviceable parts inside. Freshest if eaten before date on carton. Subject to change without notice. Times approximate. May contain nuts. Simulated picture. No postage necessary if mailed in the United States. Please remain seated until the ride has come to a complete stop. Breaking seal constitutes acceptance of agreement. For off-road use only. As seen on TV. One size fits all. Many suitcases look alike. Contains a substantial amount of non-tobacco ingredients. Colors may fade. Do not stick tongue in wall socket. We have sent the forms which seem right for you. Slippery when wet. For office use only. Not affiliated with the American Red Cross. Drop in any mailbox. Edited for television. Keep cool; process promptly. Post Office will not deliver without postage. List was current at time of printing. Return to sender, no forwarding order on file, unable to forward. Not responsible for direct, indirect, incidental or consequential damages resulting from any defect, error or failure to perform. At participating locations only. Not the Beatles. Bridge pavement freezes first. You have relatives in the old country? I know nothing. Penalty for private use. All employees must wash their hands before leaving the rest room. See label for sequence. Substantial penalty for early withdrawal. Do not write below this line. Falling rock. Lost ticket pays maximum rate. Your canceled check is your receipt. Add toner. Waitress will seat you. Place stamp here. Avoid contact with skin. Sanitized for your protection. Be sure each item is properly endorsed. Sign here without admitting guilt. Slightly higher west of the Mississippi. Employees and their families are not eligible. Beware of dog. Contestants have been briefed on some questions before the show. Limited time offer, call now to ensure prompt delivery. You must be present to win. No passes accepted for this engagement. No purchase necessary. Look for the Union label. We are not satisfied until you are. Processed at location stamped in code at top of carton. Shading within a garment may occur. Use only in a well-ventilated area. Keep away from fire or flames. Replace with same type. Approved for veterans. Booths for two or more. Check here if tax deductible. Please seat yourself. Some equipment shown is optional. Price does not include taxes. No Canadian coins. Not recommended for children. Not recommended. Prerecorded for this time zone. Mine eyes have seen the glory. Reproduction strictly prohibited. No solicitors. No alcohol, dogs, or horses. Moyle...what moyle? No anchovies unless otherwise specified. Caution: may contain peanuts and/or small rodents. Restaurant package, not for resale. List at least two alternate dates. Children and new patients welcome. First pull up, then pull down. Call toll free number before digging. LSMFT. Driver does not carry cash. Ask about our tuck and carry bag. Child care available during services. Confidential testing and treatment of diseases. You are the "U" in union. Some of the trademarks mentioned in this product appear for identification purposes only. 24 hour emergency service. One dollar off on Tuesdays. Objects in mirror may be closer than they appear. Record additional transactions on back of previous stub. Unix is a registered trademark of AT&T. Do not fold, spindle, or mutilate. Exact change only. No transfers issued until the bus comes to a complete stop. Do not leave your seat until the aircraft has come to a full stop at the gate. Tax included. Please save this information. Approved by Dr. Mom. In the event of a water landing: swim. Call about our braille web pages. Same day/1-hour service on most items. One location to serve you better. Spot removal specialists. Package sold by weight, not volume. Your mileage may vary. 100% money back guarantee: send $100 US to Webmaster, 10996-164st. Edmonton, Alberta. We reserve the right to limit quantities. No dealers. Post no bills. Curb your dog. Federal law prohibits dispensing without prescription. Slippery when wet. Thin ice. Post no bills. I know nothing. I am not a crook. I was only following orders. I do not know nor have I had relations with Monica Lewinsky. Who was that masked man? Cigar... does anyone want a cigar?

This supersedes all previous notices.

This disclaimer may not be copied without the expressed written consent of whoever I stole it from.