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Explanations

Some of the stuff on my site is quite odd, so I just wanted to clear a few things up.

All your base

Deadly Mail This is an odd file I found that is supposedly a glodal conspiracy to plant the message "All your base are belong to us" in various signs and in objects throughout the world. Some of the signs look fairly good, but some are just totally fake. Some are more obvious than others. This has been a very popular download for whatever reason but it started out as the introduction to "Zero Wing" but poorly translated. If you want to look at the "History" of this "Conspiracy", head over to their website's history. You can also get to their main site here.

Get it here.

Insane (American) Mailman

Deadly Mail This is one of my earlier flash movies. It depicts a mailman who has had one too many. He runs around and kills everyone in a post office. The angry mailman uses among other things, a knife, a grenade and a gun to blast away the post office (his co-workers also). I was just trying to find a subject with a little action. This is in no way related to any news about post office shootings. If it looks like anything in the news, it is only a coincidence. Anyway, this was made in the summer of 2002 at "Virtual Discoveries" which is a science camp hosted by Discover E.

Get it here.

Derekism

Holy Book This is a book that I wrote in 3 days because I was bored. I might even get extra credit in language arts. The whole idea is to make a bunch of religious jokes and at the same time promote me as a god (it could happen). Anyway, I sat down and wrote most of this one night and the rest in school. I have also revised a few things to make it somewhat comprehensible, and to generally update my ideas. Please note that it is not a crack against your religion (however stupid it may be), and is intended to invoke laughter only.

Get it here.

600 Word Essay

Document This is an essay that I had to write about my Special Place. That is just a place that means something to you or whatever. I tried to do this as humorously as possible. I got a fairly good mark in the process (not even the teacher could keep a straight face). This just proves that if you do something at the last minute, it isn't nescessarily bad. Usually it's just a coincidence. So if you are lookin fer some humor, check this out.

Get it here.

Book Report

Document This is a book report on "Random Acts of Management" which is a Dilbert comic book by Scott Adams. It tries to follow some predefined guidelines, but strays whenever it will make the report funnier. I didn't get as good a mark on this as I did on the 600 Word Essay (described above), this is mainly due to the fact that my book wasn't a Novel (teachers can be picky that way). Instead of actually sitting down and reading a book, this made the whole book-report thing a breeze. All I did was look in the front cover and reference a few of the pages for required filler. Peice-of-cake!

Get it here.

Journal Entry

Document This is a Journal entry that I did in my Language Arts class. In my journal entries, I usually get off topic quickly, but the result is good. I would also like to point out that I always complete the requirements for full marks on these but rarely recieve them. I enjoy writing like this (although my teacher doesn't share my enthusiasm). I usually try to stretch the assignment for humorous purposes whenever possible. This happens all the time.

Get it here.

Letter to the Editor

Document To be honest, I don't know what I was thinking when I wrote this. I ask myself whose shoe I scraped this off of. It is a letter in response to an article about homeless children in Russia. I have included the original article just to make it somewhat understandable. This is also contributing to my falling langage arts grade. Again, I have no idea why I wrote this. I just don't know, and maybe I never will. But the Aliens know. They've known all along. CURSE YOU ALIENS!!

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Mad Cow Test

Mad Cow Test your cow to see if it is safe to eat. This is just a silly thing I found that can help you to determine whether or not you cow has the dreaded "Mad Cow" Disease (TM England). This may be stupid (especially if you aren't fortunate enough to own a cow), but I thought it was funny, and that is that. Of course I am not trying to make fun of England with their massive disease rate including the new-and-improved "Foot and Mouth" Disease which causes your feet and mouth to dry up and eventually fall off. I am only trying to make a website, so jeez!

Get it here.

The Deaf

Smile! This is a typed copy of a card that this guy put on my table in the Foodcourt in the Mall. He gave himself away when he ordered a cheeseburger in perfect english from Dairy Queen and was able to hear when it was ready. This gives me an idea for an easy summer job. I hate when people are too lazy to even think up a semi-plausable lie. Anyway, no offense to the Hearing-Impaired out there. Any relation to anyone, living, dead, or undead, is purely coincidential. Unless you pretend to be a deaf-mute for a few extra bucks.

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Computers or Else

Computers or Else This is an advertisement for computers with a twist. Instead of saying what you want to hear, such as "30 day price-match-offer-thing", it says what the company is really thinking, such as "close the store until the 30 days are up". This is from my personal experience with computer salesmen. The kind of people who want to sell you the auto-defrost feature. They are like vultures preying on the average customer except that instead of waiting for something to starve before eating it, they take your money to make you starve before eating you. Anyway, it is just a pushy advertisement for computers.

Get it here.

Eden's Amazing Experiment

Eden's Amazing Expleriment Eden wrote this sometime and wanted me to put this up on my site. It is basically an experiment in which you can make monkeys fearful of going for a banana in 5 steps. So anyway, I guess I'll have to say this to keep the environmentalists off my back. No Monkeys, stuffed, real or otherwise, were harmed during the production of this experiment. And if they were, you should talk to Eden about it...

Get it here.

Matrix Code Matrix Screensaver

This is in my oppinion the bast matrix code screensaver ever. It looks the best is you turn the messages off.