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News - July

On this page I will try to put a daily observation. This page usually contains some stuff the TV told me.

News I realized that maybe when you clicked on news, you expected some real news and not just my ramblings. So if you want some actual news to sink your teeth into, try this on for size. It is an up-to-date headline news thingy that updates all by itself! Technology and stuff is amazing.

NewsletterIf you want this stuff e-mailed to you weekly along with jokes and movie reviews, click here to get on my mailing list. E-mails should be sent to you on the weekend, or whenever I feel like it.

Anyway, tommorow I'll have a brand spanking new funky fresh ultra fly fact served up for ya with a side of slaw. No fries though.

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July 31, 2003

Sorry no fact today but it's not my fault. It's tv's fault. I was sitting there watching it for an hour or so and it done not told me about nothing worth telling you about so don't go all blaming me for no fact. Yell at tv...(make sure tv is turned on when you yell at tv or tv won't hear you)

...then go play some Pacman.

July 30, 2003

Today I done watched a thing on wine. This one guy was winedrinking and saying that bad wine is caused by "Acetic Acid". What happend is that leaky corks let air and bacteria in and the bacteria oxidizes or something sciency and the wine tastes bad. This professor and a phd student (both of whom also have leaky corks if you ask me) got to making a wine tester that can see acetic acid and let them know. They used a machine that uses electromaggots to look at molecules. They filed for a pattent.

Google provided a website on winemaking. If you are interested (and old enough to drink wine), then take a look.

July 29, 2003

I found out today that the oldest piece of art on the planet is this thing that they found in Africa and it's like 77,000 years old.

Can you imagine the cavedude who made it showing it to some other cavedude being like, "Dude...check this out." And other cavedude would look at it and be like, "Ug Duhg?" And arty cavedude would be like, "Well, it doesn't really do anything...it just...ummm...is." And other cavedude be like, "Muh muh Gruh?" And arty cave dude be like, "Yeah I guess you can use it to hit someone over the head with it but that's not really..." And then the cave dude would grab it and hit arty cave dude over the head with it to make a point...and then realize that was the point.

And the rest is history.

July 28, 2003

Today I done lernt that when chocolate gets that white stuff, it's called "Blooming". What happens is the fat crystals move from "Form 5" (which is just little small crystals that shine nicely and melt in your mouth) to "Form 6" (huge 2mm crystals that look white and leave a waxy coating in your mouth). This one guy showed some pictures of fat crystals. He also said that the crystals are formed by "Rapid energy flux". The other guy was just looking at him like "DUDE!!! Rapid Energy What??" and the first guy got the look and quickly explained that is was just like a quick temperature change or something. So the moral of the story is not to freeze and thaw and freeze and thaw your chocolate.

More googeling it up got me this. The internet is going downhill...

July 27, 2003

I found out that some australians chow down on kangaroos. I didn't think that eating kangaroos went down down under dere. I figured they just hopped around and did whatever like squirrels do here.

Umm. In searching for a link I found this. (*Don't visit if you think seeing some weird looking dude showing kangaroo guts to primary school kids might disturb you...Ye be warned...)

July 26, 2003

The tv taught me about the machines that dig tunnels. I learnt that when they dug the Chunnel that connects France and Britain they started digging at opposite ends and then met in the middle. When they were finally head-to-head they couldn't just throw the machines into reverse and back them out. So they turned them sideways, had them dig a hole in the sidewall, and then sealed them up in there forever. Sucks being a machine. No ribbons. No new paint job. No champagne. Just sealed up in a wall after digging yer arse off for years. No wonder they're planning to take over...

Here's a version of Dig Dug that kinda sucks.

July 25, 2003

The year: 1942. The place: Los Angeles. The situation: A huge unidentified flying object hovered over Los Angeles. The reaction: Air-raid alarms blared and the army fired a couple thousand anti-aircraft shells at the object over the city. The attack lasted a half-hour. The result: Homes and buildings destroyed. People killed. Hysteria. The theory: A UFO stopped by to visit. And we immediately attacked it. The message to the aliens: We're not very nice.

Here's some more info on The Battle of Los Angeles.

July 24, 2003

I done learnt more about the Mayans. They really were into doing stuff with blood cause they believed that human blood had this like universal energy and if you like bleed all over something you can give it energy and the gods would appreciate it or something. I guess I can see that. What I can't see was why the mayans would get the blood by piercing themselves with stingray spines and bleeding all over stuff like at parties and such.

Mayans were like the original Fear Factor.

July 23, 2003

I watched this show about bacteria and fleas and tapeworms and awful stuff. Fleas are gross. Tapeworms are grosser. And I got grossed out. So I flipped the channel and watched these hippies in Sonoma. They were doing a prayer circle thing and everyone got smoke all over the place and stuff. Supposedly sage has this like purifying power or something. Or cleansing or whatever. Anyway, that sage smoke ritual thing is called "smudging". Which is a weird name for it because "smudge" sounds like messy mess not like cleany clean.

This hippy digs her smudge.

July 22, 2003

The tv told me about chronic fatigue syndrome. In the past, some dude with chronic fatigue would have had a tough time like extra...cause other dude would be like, "Dude! That whole chronic fatigue thing is in your head!" And the CFS dude would be like, "Dude, I'm seriously fatigued for reals...don't tell me it's in my head, dude!" And other dude would be like, "Dude cut the crap with the chronic fatigue thang...whatever with that, dude." But now doctor dudes have identified chemical imbalances that are consistent with dudes with CFS and identified genes or whatever. So now CFS dude is like, "See dude! See!? Doctor dude came thru! Now get out of my house...you tired me out with your doubt, dude!"

Googleing it up got a huge amount of stuff on this thang. So I guess lots of people got this. Including the girl who wrote Seabiscuit...

July 21, 2003

I watched a show about parrots and parrots looked cool. They looked kinda smart for dumb birds and for a second I thought maybe one of these macaw birds would maybe make a groovy pet. I thought maybe it would be kinda cool. I could teach it curse words or whatever. Then the guy on tv told me that macaws can live for like 80 years. And that seemed like a pretty serious commitment for something that I wasn't even remotely serious about in the first place.

Maybe they're not all that dumb. This one got his own website and stuff.

July 20, 2003

I seen on the tv that there's this thing called transplant memories. Basically people who get like transplanted organs or whatever sometimes seem to inherit memories from the donor. Like they have weird visions and emotions that match up. Like this one 47 year old construction worker dude got a heart transplant and soon after started humming classical tunes and really getting into classical music. He later found out that his donor was a classical musician. That type o' weirdness is called "cellular memories".

Here's a whole bunch of them weirdnesses.

July 19, 2003

The TV told me about how 125,000 years ago Anguilla was ruled by giant rats. Not rats as big as cats. Nor as big as dogs. Rats as big as bears. It's sciencey name was "Amblyrhiza". No one knows how it got to the island in the first place. Nor where it went. Probably extinct. If not extinct then maybe underground gaining super intelligence and growing even larger to prepare for an all out invasion. But more likely extinct...

The cave where the rats were discovered is right down the street from Uncle Ernies.

July 18, 2003

Sorry everyone. I'm getting behind on the daily fact thing. I'll do my best for the next 45 days (AHHH THATS ALL THE TIME LEFT IN THE SUMMER).

Also: I promise to do a fact about air conditioning because I like to fantasize about having air conditioning so why not make my fantasy more realistic...

July 17, 2003

Today I seen that its illegal to go fishing with a shotgun and blast into the depths. Dynamite is right out. Anyway, the people on the show got to making fun of Jaws because this guy caught a shark using richard dreyfuss as bait but he had a gun. That makes it wrong. Then he did a catch and release which proved deadly to some people in Jaws 2. Now maybe it's just me...I don't see the problem. Its perfectly legal to catch deer with rod and reel...

July 16, 2003

So I done lernt 'bout solar ovens today. The people on tv were showing kids how to make the shoeboxes into solar fruit-cookers. I'm pretty sure you need a box with black insides and a big window on top. The kids making them were really happy to make nice good apples into mushy warm bad apples.

When searching for a picture I found lots of designs. Take a look to get the idea. List time...
Number 1
Number 2
Number 3
Number 4
Number 5

These people need to forget making ovens and build me a solar cooler. Drinks should be included. Surely I deserve it after writing all these wonderful facts for you...

July 15, 2003

Today on ESPN or something I watched the Swimming and Diving Championships in Barcelona. The event that I saw was kinda like synchronized swimming but with only one person in the pool. Not sure what you call it. Like the chick would stick her legs out of the water and spin around. Then like do stuff with her arms. Then pose.

Two suggestions to make this sport more exciting. One: Dye the water pitch black and paint the swimmers with like glow paint and light the place with a black lights so it's glowy and fun. Two: Spectators are allowed to throw wet multicolored neon sponges at the swimmers as they do stuff and if you hit the swimmer and mess up their routine...you get a free donut.

Doing a search for this event I found out that you can sports gamble on swimming. Message to people who bet on swimming events: You have a gambling problem.

Don't get me wrong...I'm not an anti-swimming person. In fact I am a swimmer myself. Swimming is a truely proud and noble sport when its racing and not miscellaneous diving and syncronized floating or whatever. If I catch you badmouthing my sport I will send trained seals to sit on your lawn and make hissing-seal noises. You have been warned.

July 14, 2003

TV showed me the best place to go if I ever get the desire to go shoot me some elks. Three Forks Ranch in Wyoming. You can hunt with big guns and they have an extended huntin season on their 38,000 acres. Because Three Forks has an agreement with the state for a wildlife preservation program they get certain benefits when it comes to hunting on the property. It's always sort of weird when the terms "wildlife preservation" and "hunting" go hand in hand...but it beats condos and a shopping center getting built there instead so whatever with that...

Here go Three Forks Ranch...

July 13, 2003

Today I learnt about the rare white dolphin. It's weird that it's called a white dolphin because it's pink. It's weird that it's a pink dolphin...cause it's pink. Anyway they're busy dying off in Hong Kong harbor which is their home. Hong Kong harbor is a place that has commercial fishing, serious shipping traffic, raw sewage dumps and other pollutants as well as an airport that they built in a "land reclamation" project. Sounds like it's time for the white dolphins to move maybe...?

Here's a link to a chinese site about them. Couldn't tell if it was pro-dolphin or con. Starts off promising. Then scroll down...then not so sure...

July 12, 2003

Sorry no fact yesterday. I didn't like TV yesterday. And TV didn't like me. Words were exchanged. Some things we said that we both regret. Everything is ok now but it took all day to sort it out.

Here's Creepy Clown's Gallery for no related reason.

July 11, 2003

The TV showed me stuff with the "running of the bulls" in Pamplona, Spain. I found out that after the big bulls run the streets there's like a little arena where people can run around with the baby bulls and get bucked around or whatever "for fun". The rule is you're not allowed to touch a baby bull intentionally. The guy on tv said sometimes some jerk (let's face it...probably an american) tries to ride the baby bull like a horse. If this happens it's tradition that that person be taken off the baby bull, brought over to side of the arena and beaten up with lead pipes.

This website kinda takes care of the details...sort of...

On the other hand...this website does not provide an accurate discription. This actually comes up when you searched for "running of the bulls" on google. Weird.

July 10, 2003

Tonite on the tv I seen some swamp bird called a "dikup' or something. I couldn't find out how to spell it. (If anyone knows the "dikup" bird that hangs out around swamps let me know.) Anyway mama dikup had these baby dikups and this alligator came out of the swamp and started eyeballing the baby dikups. So mama dikup goes off to the side and pretends she has a broken wing and starts flopping around all pretend hurt. The alligator stops going after the chicks and goes after the mama. After luring the gator away, mama bird just flew off. Alligator forgot about stuff and just wandered away. Dikup smart. Gator dumb.

When I did a search for swamp bird pictures I found electric guitars, stuffed animals and even a historic statue. The internet is weird.

July 9, 2003

I found out tonite that Canada straight out dominates internationally in professional wheelchair basketball on both the mens and womens teams. We recently took both the American teams to the hoop and won the North American Cup! Way to go Canada wheelchair basketball people!

We even got the "Michael Jordan"' of the sport. This chick named Chantal Benoit.

July 8, 2003

I found out tonite that the ancient Mayans used to freak out during eclipses and do human sacrifices to appease the gods and ask them to bring back the sun. Makes me wonder if the person about to be sacrificed was like, "Dudes! Hold up hold up hold up...Can we wait this out just like a couple minutes. If the sun doesn't come back then let's get on with it but let's be a little patient...Hey! Look! I think I see some sun! Don't look at it though you'll burn your eyes! But trust me on this one. Yep I definitely see a sliver. Phew! Oh my eyes hurt! Ok gods are happy...Let's uh...cut me down, huh?"

These Mayans were kooky smart or hung out with aliens or something...

July 7, 2003

Today me done learnt all about the X-Prize. It's a contest where whoever can build a spaceship that can carry three people into space and back (twice in 2 weeks) will win $10,000,000. Sounds kinda cool. But who the heck is gonna trust riding in these ships that are like built by dudes who are taking a break from building crap for Robot Wars?

Ok maybe they're not that bad but I still ain't riding in one. Here's a team list...

July 6, 2003

I found out today that during WWII the Russian Red Army had 2000 women snipers shooting at nazis. The reason why they thought it was a good idea to bring the women on as snipers is they had something some of the men seemed to lack...Patience.

Here's a foreign fishing game that will test your patience. Figuring out how to play is the first test. My guess: Guys can play it for hours on end...Girls...maybe 15-20 seconds max...Patience is all perspective. Also don't catch a shark...or else!!!

July 5, 2003

I'll get back to you with the fact thing but today I just want to quickly say that my 400 Meter Freestyle race was good. I took off 7 seconds. In my catagory I got second place overall in 50, 100, and 200 Meter Backstroke. I promise there will be a fact (maybe even a good-half-decent one).

July 4, 2003

No fact due to swim meet in Red Deer. Results will be posted on saturday.

July 3, 2003

Tonite I watched a show about the tides. I found out that oceanographer dudes get all excited when a cargo ship get caught in a storm and loses stuff overboard. Because if they can pinpoint where stuff went overboard they can track ocean currents based on where stuff gets washed up. Like this one boat lost a bunch of golf shoes. So they drew current maps and stuff based on where the golf shoes washed up. Which makes them happy cause they're still not sure about how the oceans flow and slosh.

Here's how you make the drink El Nino. Real time data about El Nino. And an interview with El Nino.

July 2, 2003

I found out today that this artist dude named Christo (but I think I'll call him crisco just for kicks) is planning to do something to Central Park. Crisco has done weird crap like wrapping buildings in sheets or like throwing thousands of umbrellas all over the countryside in China or something. For Central Park he's going to put up like big orange sheets up all over the place. Crisco says the reason for it is no reason at all. It'll cost em $20 million bucks to do the thing with the orange sheets. Seems kinda cool. But can't they do it for $19 million and give me $1 million...as like an...um...art thing for no reason...um...too?

Here's a look at their $20 million (hopefully $19 million) project.

July 1, 2003

HAPPY CANADA DAY!!!

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