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News - May

On this page I will try to put a daily observation. This page usually contains some stuff the TV told me.

News I realized that maybe when you clicked on news, you expected some real news and not just my ramblings. So if you want some actual news to sink your teeth into, try this on for size. It is an up-to-date headline news thingy that updates all by itself! Technology and stuff is amazing.

NewsletterIf you want this stuff e-mailed to you weekly along with jokes and movie reviews, click here to get on my mailing list. E-mails should be sent to you on the weekend, or whenever I feel like it.

Anyway, tommorow I'll have a brand spanking new funky fresh ultra fly fact served up for ya with a side of slaw. No fries though.

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May 31, 2003

Sorry, no fact for today. I hate to leave you hanging, so click the link below. Sorry Sorry Sorry.

Al Qaeda is recruiting.

May 30, 2003

Sorry, no fact for today. I got addicted to an internet game and have wasted all my time tonight on it.

If I can waste my time, then so can you! Play this addictive game.

May 29, 2003

I seen on tv one of those hoax shows about the aliens in area 51. They showed a bit of this movie that they apparently made about this alleged alien autopsy. The grainy footage showed them taking round squishy things that looked like water balloons filled with jello out of something that could have been a burlap sack with paint. Then some people came on and said how this was good quality not-a-hoax stuff. I swear they were the guys in the movie. At very least they did manage to accomplish the amazing feat of making me sit there and watch for a full hour feeling like a total idiot (see yesterday's link to find out if you are like me).

Check out these aliens.

May 28, 2003

I seen the news that Harrison Ford got a star on the Hollywood walk of fame. He said he thought he already had a star from a long time ago but apparently that was some silent film star with the same name and he was confused. So now he got his own. Um...I realize you're a big star and all but, how do you forget if you got a star on the walk of fame or not?! Like you just forget? The idiots from the planet stupid have landed...

Do the simple idiot test.

May 27, 2003

The tv told me about homing pigeons today. The guy on the tv said that they know where they're going by tuning into the magnetic poles. So how does a scientist find that out? Extensive study of migration patterns? Studying their brain patterns? Nope. They scotchtaped a magnet on to a pigeons head and let it go. And the pigeon flew off all koo koo with no idea where it was going. Done and done. Sometimes science is stupid easy.

Here's a clay pigeon shoot at stuff game. It kinda sucks but then doesn't after a while.

May 26, 2003

Today I watched a show about the Gangs of New York (the history of... not the making of...) I found out that during that time women fought in gangs too. There were mean chick gangs roaming the streets all tough. The most notorious female gang member was Hellcat Maggie. She had her teeth filed to points and she wore brass fingernails for maximum scratching and she kept a jar of ears. Besides fighting hellcatishly she also liked to go into people's places and throw their stuff out the window. This was called "Irish Confetti".

Here's a sketch of Lady Hellcat. I should be an artist...

May 25, 2003

Today I learned two facts about Sikeston, Missouri. 1. Once a year the Sikeston cops kidnap a random family off the highway and take them to watch the rodeo. And 2. they have a place called Lambert's Cafe which is the #1 place to "pig out" in America. Seems fun there. They throw dinner rolls around all crazy and people catch them in fishing nets.

Here's some facts about Lambert's.

May 24, 2003

No fact for today. My swim meet is today and I hafta go to the Kinsmen and swim at 1:45. I will be swimming 50 Meter Freestyle, 50 Meter Backstroke, and 200 Meter I.M. (all the strokes in one). It will run a couple of hours if you want to watch (fat chance right?).

Here is the Swim Alberta website.

**Update**: My Freestyle and Backstroke times weren't bad, even though backstroke was one heat after freestyle and I had to run to get there. My I.M. time was good, but that isn't saying much. After 50 Meter Butterfly and 50 Meter Backstroke, I had a half-pool lead. I made up for this by being passed in the 50 Meter Breaststroke, and just tied by the end of the 50 Meter Freestyle.

May 23, 2003

Today my fact wasn't gotten from the tv. I done lernt a game called "Squamish" in which they have wierd super-crazy names for everything (to tackle, you must first call "org"). Anyway, it reminded me of a sport in Calvin and Hobbes called "Calvinball" where the only rule is that you can't play it the same way twice.

The rules of "Calvinball".

May 22, 2003

I would have put this up sooner, but american idol went pretty late last night. Well, I seen that Rueben was the better of the two remaining dawgs. Clay just couldn't cut it. Rueben did this thang, baby, but done sang that same song too much. He will get all the lucrative singing stuff, man. Not too bad for the ol' resume either.

A little more about the winnah.

May 21, 2003

I just completed a very simple flash cartoon called "Tactical Midget Strike". The president orders a strike on afghanistan and midgets beat up Bin Laden.

Check it out.

May 20, 2003

Clay Aiken is the new American Idol (not a fact yet but it is really). I'm not a Ruben fan and I felt that Clay brought it more than Ruben did, dawg. He did his thing, baby. I'm glad this show is finally going to be over tomorrow. I don't want Clay creepstaring at me through the tv anymore...I think we need some time apart.

There are people who watch the show...and then there are fanatics...

May 19, 2003

I got some good dolphin news today from the National Geographic Channel. For years the japanese fishing industry has been like slaughtering dolphins like all ridiculouslike. And for the 2002-2003 season the village of Futo got approval from the goverment to kill only 600 dolphins. I guess that was considered progress. But the total number slaughtered for the season...zero.

Mainly cause of this dude named Izumi Ishii who used to hunt dolphins for a living.

May 18, 2003

A person on the tv told me that most beluga caviar on the market is illegal and more than half of the stuff is fake. They said it's like the drug trade with smugglers and stuff like that. But don't worry, sometimes problems have a way of working themselves out. Soonish the beluga sturgeon might get all extinct. Boom. Problem solved. Not bad for them as a species too. They've made it like 120 million years. With all that time maybe they should have evolved a little more yuck into the taste of their eggs.

So lawyers to the rescue!

May 17, 2003

Tonite on SNL I saw Dan Ackroid and Jim Belushi perform a song together. It was wrong on so many levels that I lost count after 30 seconds.

Is it possible that anybody on the planet bought this poster?

May 16, 2003

The TV told me all about Stonehenge today. The guy said that no one really knows exactly why it was built but there is a possibility that the pre-brits built it back in the day as sort of a "poor-man's egyptian pyramid". Imagine the dude back then who started the idea getting everyone all psyched up to make a pyramid with everyone to lugging stones and all that, then everyone looking at him after it was done like "Dude...pyramid? That pyramid sucks!" and him being like "Let's see you make a frickin pyramid!". Good times.

It does sort of look like it was built by ancient stoners.

May 15, 2003

Matrix Reloaded is out today. HURRAY! To celebrate, I've finally made a cartoon and it kinda gives away a bit of it but you HAVE TO WATCH IT!!!

Check it out.

May 14, 2003

There's this weird phenomena called "ball lightning". It's like these balls of energy that fly around all elecrtical. They may appear when there are big storms or tornadoes and stuff and make noise and make everything smell weird and cause damage and stuff. Some scientists still deny their existance cause they're so rare and there's no good explanation for them.

Here are some of eyewitness accounts ball lightning. Some are scary and some seen like they may have been drug-induced.

May 13, 2003

I found out today that back in 1966 one of the American B-52 bombers carrying 4 nuclear warheads crashed while flying over Spain. Although no nukes went off there was like radioactive material like all over the place and stuff. So like imagine being the dude in the US who has to call the King of Spain about it. It'd be like, "Hello King? How's it goin?....uh huh...uh huh...that's cool...Hey listen...today we crashed a plane loaded with nukes like in your country...no nukes went off but...ok King...calm down King...I can't understand Spanish...so dude...calm down...(covers the phone and says to someone else in the room "dude, he's like totally flippin out..." then back on phone again)...ok...I just...But I...well you don't have to swear about it! I'm calling to apologize!! It's not like they went off! It's just a little radia...What!?...You don't have to go there!...ok fine! Be that way! <click>

Here's a list of some nuke accidents over the years.

May 12, 2003

The TV showed me drunk bees today. Like these bees sometimes go out and get nectar or something from certain trees and it's like fermented sap and the bees get drunk and fly crooked and knock into things. When they return to the hive there are "bouncer bees" that check em out to make sure they're not gonna go in and mess stuff up inside the hive. If the drunk bee persists on trying to get back in the hive, the bouncer bees will beat the drunk bee up.

Here's a spelling bee for ya. I don't want to talk about it...

May 11, 2003

Second and last day of the swim meet today. I got a full hour to warm up this time. We swam in the afternoon again. For races today, I had 50 Meter Freestyle in a relay, 100 Meter Freestyle, 100 Meter Backstroke and 400 Meter Freestlye. The relay was almost disqualified because when the race started the B-team was standing around the wrong lane and looked like they were swimming there. They ran over to their lane at the last second and I had to get ready REALLY FAST. In the end we won the race. Close call though. The bus ride home was another 6 hours with 1 stop for gas. On the way, we stopped to eat and I beat my previous record. I went to McDonalds and got a Super-sized order of 6 Cheeseburgers, Fries, Root Beer, 2 Apple Pies and a Large Smartie McFlurry. Then I went across the street and got an Extra-Large hot chocolate from Tim Hortons. Total Spent: $17.69

May 10, 2003

Today is the first actual day of the AMAC (Alberta Marlin Aquatic Club) Swim meet in Medicine Hat. We swam in a 50 Meter pool. The young kids were swimming in the morning, so the 14 and over peoples get some sleep-in. They changed the warm-up time also (and din't tell a single person) so we arrived with only 30 minutes to warm-up. I swam 50 Meter Backstroke in a relay, 200 Meter Backstroke, 200 Meter Freestyle and 100 Meter Butterfly. All best times except for the 100 Meter Butterfly (I like 50 Meter Butterfly better). I also learned a really fun card game today. Ask me about it and I'll teach you how to play.

May 9, 2003

Today I watched an old show called "Go Go Gophers" on Cartoon Network. It was about these two bucktoothed wild silly "indian gophers" and this cavalry guy who like wants to "get rid" of them and tries to get them off the land or whatever. The indian gophers hit people on the head alot and act goofy and do dances and stuff. As I was watching it I was like, wow they can't go making stuff like this anymore, but apparently it's ok to show as a rerun...

Check out the theme song.

BREAKING NEWS: I am going to Medicine Hat today for a swim meet. On Saturday and Sunday I will be racing.

May 8, 2003

So like before 1948 the American government sort of whatevered the whole clean air thing. People'd be like, "Yo, government! What up with all this pollution, yo?" And the government'd be like, "Whatchoo talkin bout, Willis? Ain't none." Until on halloween in 1948 in Donora, Pennsylvania when an industrial fog floated through town and killed 20 people and injured lots more. Then the government was like, "Oh THAT pollution!" And then passed some clean air laws...and then kinda buried the history of what happened.

Here's s'more info on the Donora fog.

May 7, 2003

Today I learnt that people in Sweden need to get permission from the swedish government before naming their kid. This came up because some couple wanted to name their kid "Superman" and the government said no. I guess that is setting the bar a little high.

Du yuoo vunna telk leeke-a zee svedeesh cheff?

May 6, 2003

The TV told me today that the music industry is investing in programs to go after file-share p2p type people. Basically they wanna develop secret programs to install on peoples computers that will like mess up things or delete stuff if you share copyrit files. Secret programs like that are called trojans. Of course when you install most file sharing software they come with trojans of their own. I guess we can't really win, but I get the feeling neither can they...

Want some paranoia? Look what turned up just yesterday.

May 5, 2003

So the TV showed me how these geneticist science guys are like all busy working to smarten up mice. They want to make mice smarter so eventually they can make monkeys smarter and create new improved supermonkeys that will be able to do really complex things to help people. For example, like in Star Trek II when Spock had to go into that room filled with radiation to shut off the thing... if there was a supermonkey on the Enterprise the supermonkey would have done that instead of Spock. They'd do stuff like that.

Here's some info on a different kind of Vulcan Mind Meld.

May 4, 2003

The TV told me about why some of our coins have like ridges around the edges. Back in the day when the coins were made out of silver, some people would like shave a little silver off the coin to like make a little silver profit on the side. Eventually the coins were all getting smaller and like crooked so they put the kabosh on that scam by adding the ridges. It worked out extra good cause blind people use the ridges to feel out coins and stuff.

Here's a cointerfeit coin sciencey thing.

May 3, 2003

I saw an interview with this guy Gary Stevens who is like a big time horse racing jockey and I learnt that when horses are in training they race with like practice horses (sort of like a sparring partner in boxing) The training horse is called a "rabbit". I also found out that a jockey might get like $80,000 if they win the Kentucky Derby, but if you come in last you get like only $100. Which I guess makes sense. It must be a tough job...

May 2, 2003

Today I done learnt about the Irula people in India. For a long time they were big in the snakeskin business and they'd all go out and kill snakes and sell the skin. Then the government banned the trade. So the Irulas were like, "Dude! Uncool! No ban! That's how we make a living!" But the government was like, "Sorry dudes. You can't go like around clubbing snakes all day everyday." So the Irulas started up a new business where they collect snake venom to produce antivenom, and don't kill snakes. So they make a living off that. So everything is cool now with them Irula dudes.

Here's s'more info on the Irulas...

May 1, 2003

Tonite on the news, there were these dudes driving around Jersey in vans filled with crap speakers that look expensive. And they cruise parking lots and look for people that look like they have cash. Then they pull over and say how they got these $1200 speakers that they'll sell for $300. But the speakers are really all ultraterrible (worth $100 maybe) and people get ripped off. So beware of guys in vans looking to sell electronics. If you didn't already know...

Here's the dilly-o on the Nigerian bank scam email thing.

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