News - June

On this page I will try to put a daily observation. This page usually contains some stuff the TV told me.

I realized that maybe when you clicked on news, you expected some real news and not just my ramblings. So if you want some actual news to sink your teeth into, try this on for size. It is an up-to-date headline news thingy that updates all by itself! Technology and stuff is amazing.

If you want this stuff e-mailed to you weekly along with jokes and movie reviews, click here to get on my mailing list. E-mails should be sent to you on the weekend, or whenever I feel like it.

Anyway, tommorow I'll have a brand spanking new funky fresh ultra fly fact served up for ya with a side of slaw. No fries though.

June 30, 2003

Today I learnt about the rainforest. For years I've been hearing about the rainforest with the whole Sting thing and the fundraisers and this and that and I kind of whatevered it. Not that I'm gonna go picket somewhere or anything but it was disturbing to hear that the rainforest provides 20% of the planet's oxygen and they're really busy chopping all that down. They said the rainforest is "the lungs of the planet" so all this choppity chop is probably dumb.

After sifting thru a gazillion rainforest charities (alot seem scammy) and tons of blah blah. This link seemed simple enough.

June 29, 2003

Today I watched a show called "How's That Work?" and they showed me how a toaster works. It works pretty much the way I assumed it worked. But they also told me about the original toaster back in the day. You had to go flip the toast yourself cause they hadn't thought up the slot thing yet. You just sort of leaned the bread on the thing. To turn it off you had to unplug it. Maybe that's why so many people still unplug their toasters...cause of the old paranoia that if you leave it on it will burn your place down...or is that just my grandpa?

This is the way EVERYONE should make toast. Or maybe like this. Sadly enough...I make toast the second way.

June 28, 2003

Today I learnt about this thing called ESCHELON. It's a global eavesdropping system that alot of countries use to get information about this and that. ESCHELON gathers millions of emails, mobile phone calls, faxes etc and sifts through em looking for whatever terrorism or whatever whatever. The way it sorts through all the info is by looking for certain keywords. So when yer chatting on yer mobile or whatever. Remember that ESCHELON might be tuning in if you use certain words like...

Here's the first spy satellite. Cute.

June 27, 2003

I promise this is the last brag session for a while. I got my report card though...

Weighted Agerage: 75.7%
Language Arts Final Exam: 91%
Science Final Exam: 96%
Math Final Exam: 86%
Social Final Exam: 87%

June 26, 2003

Tonite I learnt about the coconut crab which is the largest invertebrate. The coconut crab can grow up to like three feet in length and they can eat coconuts and they're scary. I guess evolution worked well for them with the claws and shell and the bigness all, but when the dorky nature guy just walks over and picks it up and holds it in front of the camera and they can't do anything but hang there all ashamed and wait to get put back down...you get the feeling they could have evolved a little better. Like a back claw or something to avoid that humiliation.

Kevin will tell you more about them if yer coconut curious.

June 25, 2003

TV told me something about lightning today. If you get the big KAZAP from a lightning bolt it will leave an outline like right on your skin (besides giving you the big kzzzaaazzzowie). It's like a superficial burn that looks like a big lightning bolt. It's nicely called "feathering" but I bet it stings...like...alot. It looked kinda cool on this one dude's back. Made him look tough and stuff. But if you get the KAZAP and dig the new look of your lightning feathering you better get it tattooed cause it'll go away in a few days.

Here's a game where you can throw around lightning bolts all willy nilly while slowly vegging out in the process...

June 24, 2003

Continuing the DEREK REPORT...

I am pleased to say that my science mark is even better than my super brainy good Language Arts mark. Science like tipped the scales at a whopping 96.3%. I also like wrote my Math Final today and it was good. Another 40 minute job...no studyin neether...

Reel fact tomorrow...I like promise...and stuff...

Facts are hazy. Facts are gagging. Facts are lazy. Facts are lagging...

Also the countdown is still up so you can tell when i'm done my last final exam...

June 23, 2003

No real factio thing today...but it is time for...THE DEREK REPORT...sorry about no fact.

This just in from the school scene. I wrote my first final exam (Language Arts) last friday and not to brag or anything...but I dint study and finished it with a half hour to spare and got a 91% and top mark in the class. Eden the Smart (who sometimes actually is) got second highest so there might be something skrewy with the test...

Its nice to be S-M-R-T...

June 22, 2003

I found out tonite that North Carolina has more hogs than people. Now that the tobacco industry is in a death spiral, corporations in North Carolina are replacing tobacco farms with hogs farms. Good news in terms of the tobacco industry going down. Bad news because instead of nice fresh tobacco plants people now get giant cess pool lagoons that pollute the rivers and water and sometimes the smell in the towns around the hogs farms will make your eyes tear until you go "aggh! it stinks!" then gag then puke.

Not to make a bad situation look cute...but who doesn't want a bunch of these running around.

June 21, 2003

Today I saw some people on tv take this really old Ford Bronco and give it more than three times the torque. They did it with a bunch of gears and they said "Mechanical Advantage" and stuff alot. Then they said their Ford had 16000 Lbs of torque. Wow!

This other guy said the truck could climb rocks. These guys must have seen that show and tried it out.

June 20, 2003

No Fact Today...something even better. I got a HUGE TROPHY AND A PLAQUE today at the Keyano awards banquet. I got the Junior High Point Award and Most Improved Swimmer Award. COOL!

Crappy pictures of the trophy and plaque. Sorry about sucky quality.

June 19, 2003

Today there is no tv fact but there is a Derek fact. I drank a 2L bottle of pepsi blue in under half an hour. Don't try this at home kids. Toilet bowls just aren't big enough...

Here is a link I thought would be good for todays fact.

For a good fact...the HULK comes out tomorrow and promises to suck. It has effects and stuff...but no story...

June 18, 2003

Today I watched some of the World's Strongest Woman competition. Shannon Hartnett won the "Carry and Flip" part of the competition. The women had to carry a 200lb weight a ways and then go up to this giant 400lb tire and flip it over and over lengthwise for a ways after that. Shannon also plays a woman's football league and does other stuff using her superstrength and muscly muscles.

Here's pictures of Shannon doing her thing. Go Shannon go! Also she is the actor for the incredible hulk! Just kidding... Ha Ha Ha!

June 17, 2003

I found out tonite that the "alien autopsy" scam thing from a few years back wasn't the first one. The russians did an alien autopsy thing back in the 60's. Apparently they found a crashed flying saucer and dissected an alien. The three doctors that performed the autopsy were dead one week later supposedly. It's all very weird. Extra weird because I wouldn't think the ruskies would be all down with setting up hoaxs and stuff... I wanna do a hoax! Can we make money on a hoax? If you got a harmless hoax idea let me know and we'll try to hoax it up and split the hoaxy cash!

Here's an analysis by someone who saw what I done just seen.

June 16, 2003

The tv showed me this nanotechnological injectoid thing that they're working on. The idea is that they shoot ya up with this little orb thing that zooms around in your bloodstream releasing oxygen and breaking down CO2 or whatever. And basically cutting out the need for you to breathe. Then you can swim around underwater for hours. And the tea parties at the bottom of the pool can go on and on...

Here's a whole bunch of images showing us how the machines are going to start taking us over from the inside out. It ain't gonna be like T3. By the way...it's cheap how they like got rid of sarah connar (mis-spelled i'm sure) in T3. Just my two cents...

June 15, 2003

Today on the american news I saw a story bout these people that live in these apartments in Manhattan but Donald Trump is like building a big building that will block their riverview and cut off the light to their place. So they're all pissed cause they've lived there a long time and it's a sucky situation. So they hung up a banner for their website called trumpplaceischokingus.com but the donald clout had it taken down..

Here's a slide show of the most expensive hotel rooms in the world. Gross.

June 14, 2003

Today I learnt about the moon Triton (it hangs out around the planet Neptune). It's like one big iceball. Everything is frozen. But it has giant "ice volcanos" that erupt with water instead of lava and there are geysers that spurt liquid nitrogen higher than Mount Everest. I thought that sounded pretty wild but apparently living there is pretty normal.

Here's a link to a webpage from some kid who lives on the moon Triton.

June 13, 2003

Whats up y'all. Today is friday the thirteenth and with my luck the server will crash today. Just kidding. I'm not superstitious. That brings me to todays fact. Do you know where superstition comes from. I don't. But these people do. They even wrote this whole long thing about it. I read it and it went right over my head. All I know is that it loosely fits in with religion. My guess is the pegans started it.

During my search for links today, I found out that these people named a freeway "superstition", these people named a golf course "superstition" and these people even named a car dealership...you guessed it..."superstition". What's with these people...

June 12, 2003

The tv told me that the world is a crazy place right now. Iraq is still smouldering. Afghanistan is one big crater. Palestinians and Israelis are pissed at each other. And in Canada alone, we have West Nile, Mad Cows, and SARS. I turned the tv on for an hour and was bombarded with that. Make with the funny. Lets throw on some Simpsons you network people. Jeez...

If you want the nitty-gritty specifics, Google has you covered.

If some aliens happened to see our News...they would just turn to each other...and press the button to vaporize earth. Thats why I want to start a petition or something. Let me get back to you on that...

June 11, 2003

Cone snail was on the tv today. Cone snail is a scary snail. Cone snail is not like a normal snail. Cone snail lives underwater. Cone snail comes out at night. Cone snail likes to eat fish. Cone snail has a jabber that jabs in venom. Cone snail venom paralyzes the fish. Cone snail then opens its weird big umbrella mouth and swallows the fish while it's still alive. Cone snail feels no guilt. Cone snail venom can kill a person lickity split. Cone snail cannot eat a person though. Cone snail is a scary snail.

Cone snail go sha! Cone snail go schloop! Color the generic snail!

June 10, 2003

Today I learnt that the scarlet macaw might get all extincted soon. Poachers in Guatemala are like taking the eggs cause the birds are valuable pets. Also fires are like burning up where the birds hang out. Biologists who go there to protect the birds get spied on by poachers to find out where the nests are. Then poachers will set a fire and when the biologists go to try and stop the fire from reaching the nests or whatever- poachers steal the eggs out of the nest. Totally sucks all around.

I was looking for a bird link and found this. Sad...

June 9, 2003

The new "Canadia Idol" which copied "American Idol" which copied "Pop Stars" which copied "Survivor Outback" is about to start. Watch it because I might not. I'm not gonna fill you in. No surree. If you ask me once was enough.

I just finished this countdown to the end of school. It counts down to June 25th, 2003 11:00:00.

June 8, 2003

Today I learnt about Bulldog Ants. A bulldog ant nest has "guard ants" which respond to any threat to the nest. So the guy on tv who wanted to study the nest (but avoid getting bit by the guards) set up a trap at the opening to the nest. When a guard came out to investigate he got caught in the trap (not killed just trapped). So he sent out a signal to the other guard ants that the nest was in danger. So all the guard ants sprung into action and soon they all piled into the trap like dopes. Sometimes all that fancy schmancy insect stuff totally backfires.

Imagine having this guy in your underwear...

June 7, 2003

Tonite I learnt about the Colossus of Rhodes. The Rhodesians built this 120 foot statue to like brag about how they were so great and stuff. It took 12 years to build. Then this earthquake came and knocked it down. The Rhodesians were thinking about rebuilding it. But this one oracle guy came along and told them rebuilding it would be bad luck. So they said screw it. Why do I get the feeling the oracle like lived on the same street as the statue and just didn't wanna wake up to hammering for the next 12 years.

Wanna know more? Sam and Caitlin got it covered...

June 6, 2003

Well, it's friday and grad was yesterday and I have no certificate because they were handing out fakes and my pessimism is soaring and I'd rather not talk about it. Let's change the subject.

My band, Toad Explode, now has a website. Still not sure why because we have no music and I don't have my bass guitar (hint hint for my dad).

June 5, 2003

My grade 9 grad is tomorrow. I just got my new clothes for the ceremony and dance type thing. PICTURES ON THE WAY!!! After that my hair will be dyed some shade of green. I will be like this gremlin dude. This is how it's going down. Get pictures about 1:00ish...leave for a few hours...go to this auditorium...walk across a stage...grab a fake certificate thingy...shake the hands of the "higher-ups"...smile...and then I'll be home free. This doesn't really count as a fact...so sue me.

When I get a chance (probably on monday) I will post my pictures.

June 4, 2003

I am writing this on sunday because apparently a couple days ago I got confused or the laws of reality shifted or I am in a time warp or something (I'll get back to you on that last theory) happened and I missed a day. So no fact because I can't remember what I was thinking. if anything...

Out of pure pity, here is this link. Don't feel too deprived.

**UPDATE** I checked with some people and after going over the figures for hours we arrived at the conclusion that I wasted all my time one day checking figures that I missed that fact and then my brain skipped to the next day. But I haven't ruled out a time warp...

June 3, 2003

I found out today that an Iraqi High School teacher makes about 22,000 Dinars a month. That's like $20. A month. Oy.

Not sure how great the pay might be but here be some job openings in Iraq.

June 2, 2003

The guy on the tv tonite was all sciencey and he told me all about momentum. And he said the plural of momentum is "momenta". And he said P = Mass x Velocity. P = momentum in equations. MV = P. Why is P used in equations to symbolize momentum? The guy on tv didn't know. I checked the internet but the internet didn't seem to know either.

If anyone knows why P = Momentum, tell me. Also C = The Speed of Light. That also.

**Update** I just found this link on a sciency nerdy way-over-my-head type site. Still need to know about the C = Speed of Light thing though.

June 1, 2003

I done watched a show called "Electronic Playground" and they basicly just showed everyone a bunch of new state-of-the-art super shoot-em-up type games. So I jumped onto the computer (actually I jumped onto a chair BY the computer, but whatever) and did a search and found that according to generic scientists, video games are good for you. This peice of trivia may come in handy when I try to convince my parents that getting a PS2 whould be a good idea.

If you want to see the full deal, check this out. I strongly suggest you read it if you are trying to convince a parent that gaming is good.